Brokenhearted; Now at peace.

Retelling a traumatizing experience is always so difficult for me that I feel my chest tightening as I write this. I decided to let someone back into my life, someone who was supposed to be a "Christian" and, as far as I was concerned, a great person overall. He could do no wrong in my eyes. I had known him in the past and so I wasn’t scared at all, not knowing what was to come.

Long story short, when I was closing the chapter, I ended up in church from 7 PM to 3 AM, praying to God because my heart was in literal pain. He came around with sweet promises and told me he could only confirm things properly after he had spoken with his pastor, who would grant him permission to proceed. I was put in so much desperation, and I thank Jesus for rescuing me.

I would see him in constant communication with a colleague and expressed my worry, but he would tell me it was all in my mind and that I was overthinking. I told him that I had the gift of revelation and could perceive things that had happened, were happening, or were about to happen, but he thought I was joking.

I had a dream that he went house hunting with someone who wasn’t me, and he said I was overthinking. I had a dream he was doing a pre-wedding shoot with another lady, and he said I was overthinking. Despite all this, I would still shower him with gifts because I trusted him. Until one day, a gift I gave him broke him to tell the truth. But he blamed the lady, saying she was manipulative and probably using a charm on him.

I managed to speak with the lady, not to fight her but just to ask some questions, especially to confirm the dreams I had. Unlike him saying she had forced him to declare in front of her whole church that he was going to marry her, she mentioned that he had taken her hand in front of the church, declared his intention to marry her, and asked her pastor to bless it. She also mentioned that they went house hunting and were looking to buy a house, just as I had seen in my dreams, and that they were preparing to get married in September that year.

Leading up to these heartbreaking revelations, when I managed to find this coworker to just say hello, he threatened me, saying I was destroying his career and that I had disgraced him in front of a big business partner. I almost had an accident that day while driving. My whole head and cognition were distorted. By the grace of God, because of the places I have worked and connections I have made, I managed to find her number, and this is how I heard everything after he lied to me, insinuating she was the one throwing herself at him.

The day he told me he was two-timing, I requested an Uber and went straight to church because at the time, I was living alone and didn’t want to hurt myself. I slept there. I prayed so hard because prayer is and will always be the highest form of intimacy I know.

Why am I sharing this? Because God loves you. Jesus gave and gives me the biggest hugs. I am so happy and at peace! Not angry, not hateful, not full of vengeance, and not disqualifying good people because I have met messy people. I am so happy. I am happy for the pain. There's so much joy in my soul. It is okay to let go and live. Don’t be afraid to let go and live. Jesus loves you.

This situation was so messy. I wanted to say everything, but my chest is getting tighter. I just want to say thank you to Jesus for bringing me peace.