THE CURSE OF BEING AVERAGE OR BELOW- THANK GOD FOR ELEVATION.

Obinnim Ɔbrempɔng ashaseɛ (Akan)

No one knows the beginning of greatness (English)

This morning, on my way to work, I encountered a situation at the Madina traffic light. A car had broken down, and the driver appeared very frustrated. I felt a deep sense of empathy for the frustrated driver and then the Holy Spirit took me down memory lane.

My mother and sister were with me in the car and I and began recalling a memory that spanned years. I recounted to my mother and sister my childhood memories of how my mum’s car would often break down on the road in unusual places. In the hot sun, my mum would manage to move her to a safe area and pack her 4 girls into a taxi and take us to school. I remembered how after school, I would hear my mother describing her frustration to family members or my uncle who was living with us at the time.

I remember vividly from my childhood, that until recently, there was no car my mother bought that didn’t give her a problem at the end of the day. In the car today, my mother mentioned how strange it was to her that, within a few months of buying a car, it would begin to give her one problem after the other for no reason. It came to a point where she would have to sell off the car. She said that after selling the car and doing a follow up with the buyer, she would receive feedback that the car works so fine with no issues at all. This issue repeated itself so much that she was even afraid to purchase any vehicle.

Another memory was triggered after this conversation. I remembered how, after enduring the struggle to get to my primary school at the time, there would be a teacher ready to punish us for arriving late. There were times where me and my elder siblings would be tired from all the stress, we’ve had to go through on the way to school, but we received no mercy. We would be beaten for getting to school late or sometimes made to file in a circle for several rounds before being dismissed to class.

We were only victims of circumstance. These memories can be heart wrenching and painful to think off. We wished that after the ordeal from home to the road, and to school, we would have peace to study but no, we had to endure bullying to a point all first 3 of my mother’s daughters which includes me, despised going to school. Our parents were not rich, and we were marked as average or below. The woes and traumas of being raised in a home of separation was having its effect on us very unconsciously. After having to constantly battle in our minds why our parents are apart, we would now have the fear of mostly cruel teachers to deal with, and classmates who made it a point to make school miserable for us.

Finding comfort in trying to study was difficult for us. As children the thoughts we had to process were so heavy I have asked God if we deserved that. When my little sister joined our school, she had to be immediately withdrawn based on the advice of my eldest sister, who believed that our school environment would damage her spirit and self-esteem.

I didn’t know who I was or what I was called for. Discovering my purpose has been hard, but God gave me a clearer picture and meaning in 2018. Until then I was really lost. I believed myself to be how I was perceived in the eyes of people. There was no direction for me, and I was just going with the wind or worse, because even the wind has direction.

When you have no direction and you lose sense of self, even when God brings you back into your identity it can be hard to accept it. I couldn’t believe that this who, what and how God perceived me to be. There is so much pain and sometimes so much anger in my heart that is hard to let go. Coming to the realization of how much damage I have done to myself and people have done to me, living in the unknown, continues to make me feel unworthy. However every day since coming home, God has given me more reason to desire to exist. Interestingly, coming back into my place of peace hasn’t stopped me from hurting myself but at least I’m home so I will get a band-aid any time I faulter.

Everyday is a mental battle for me, comparing what I have heard and seen in people’s eyes to who I believe and know I am now. God is doing such a great job at constantly reminding me every second that I am not alone. He is healing me—my pain, my heart, my anger—and every day He calls me a masterpiece.

God has given me a new confidence, one that is solid, and every day He proves Himself worthy of my belief in Him. He is giving purpose to my pain.

Since 2018, I have been writing. At first my writings were coming from anger. I was angry, very angry. Now I see my pieces are changing. Everything I draft or publish is a reminder triggered by the Holy Spirit of my journey to this point.

If I had continued to exist in the opinions of the world about me, I would have continued to hate myself for existing. Returning home, I am overwhelmed with love by the meal I have been served to the point where I cannot even eat properly. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it, so I turn around and eat leftovers because I had become accustomed to being told that's what I deserved.

BUT GOD! God has delivered and continues to deliver me from the curse of being perceived as average or below. EVEN IN MY PAIN, HE IS MAKING ME GLOW LIKE I HAVE NO PROBLEMS.

I recall reading Joyce Meyer's book years ago, "Battlefield of the Mind." It illuminated the concept that when the enemy seeks to steal your identity, he targets your mind or he comes for your head first. Yet, through divine intervention, God safeguarded mine. Despite any theft—be it of my childhood, my heart, or my innocence—He remains steadfast, possessing the power to restore all that was taken from me.

I have entered rooms and made connections that would have only seemed like a far-off dream. If someone had shown me when I was younger that this would be our reality now, or where my sisters and I would be now, I would have called the person a liar.

God is real!

1 Corinthians 1:27

New King James Version

27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.